July 26: Father Language

The lectionary readings for this week are the following: 2 Samuel 11:1-15 or 2 Kings 4:42-44 ; Psalm 14 or Psalm 145:10-18; Ephesians 3:14-21; and John 6:1-21.

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

In this passage, according to notes in The New Oxford Annotated Bible, Paul is creating a play on the Greek words “Pater,” father, and “Patria,” family. The passage is a “prayer for the church’s maturity in spiritual strength (v. 16), faith in Christ and love for each other (v. 17), and complete comprehension of Christ’s fathomless love (v. 18-19)” (NOAB, 324).

Years ago I saw a theatrical performance in a church, in the form of a monologue of a victim of abuse. The speaker felt anguish using the term “Father” for God, after having been terrorized by her own father. She described how difficult it was for her to build a relationship with God using what one might call Father-language; as a survivor of physical abuse, she navigated phrases such as “Our Father,” “Dear Lord, Heavenly Father,” and “God and Father of all” as one would a mine field.

This monologue came back to me recently when a friend who himself had been abused as a child by his father shared his own difficulty with Father-language. “Phrases like ‘God loves you like a father’ makes no sense to me,” he explained. “If I use a human metaphor to describe the love I feel from God, I imagine a mother’s love instead. That makes sense to me.”

In a recent panel discussion of religious leaders and counselors in the Boston area at Harvard Divinity School, the topic of Father-language was discussed in an overall context of how to give pastoral care to victims of abuse in one’s congregation. Panelists advised pastors to connect victims to resources in their community--including health, mental, and legal services--rather than to attempt to respond to victims’ needs alone. Attendees were also reminded that language they personally might consider a great source of spiritual comfort in times of crisis—such as the Lord’s Prayer—might resonate with survivors of abuse in ways they don’t anticipate.

A central message is to keep in mind how symbolic language with which we articulate our faith—even its most central concepts—may sound different depending on one’s life experience. Members of a religious community who have been deeply hurt mentally or physically by their parents may shudder at passages from the Bible that portray the human relationship with God as a child’s relationship to a parent. This is useful to keep in mind with passages such as the opening of this week’s New Testament reading, “I kneel before the Father.” Qualities such as submission to and dependence on God may also be mapped onto human relationships in destructive ways.

Citing a study published in the journal Pastoral Psychology for her article Faith in the Face of Abuse, Nancy Nienhuis describes how “in a 2004 study, only 37 percent of clergy who counseled those involved in intimate partner violence referred them to agencies in their communities that offered services to victims of domestic violence” (1). Following Mary Fortune, a researcher on the topic of domestic violence, Nienhuis writes that women may get

“. . . unhelpful ‘advice’ from religious leaders in the following ways: Submit to your husband; pray harder; try to get your husband to church; be a better wife; lift the abuse up to God; forgive your abuser and take him back. These responses blame the woman, suggest it's her responsibility to fix the relationship, and require forgiveness of the abuse without justice. They make the woman responsible for stopping the violence, and they do nothing to hold the perpetrator accountable” (2).

Nienhuis however concludes that clergy have much potential to assist families in which violence occurs. She also cites a study from the Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion indicating that batterers referred to an intervention program by a clergy member are more likely to complete it than those referred to such a program by the judicial system (3).

Father-language in aspects of religious worship such as the Lord’s Prayer, and in Biblical passages such as this week’s lectionary reading, may do much toward conveying the meaning of divine sacrificial love for humanity. Yet when they are counseling victims of violence, it is useful for pastors to consider how Father-language might convey a different message to victims of abuse than that which they intend. Resources in a community such as shelters and legal aid services can provide important assistance when a pastor is counseling a survivor.


(1) Rob J. Rotunda et al., "Clergy Response to Domestic Violence: A Preliminary Survey of Clergy Members, Victims, and Batterers," Pastoral Psychology, 52, no. 4 (March 2004): 363.

(2) http://www.hds.harvard.edu/news/bulletin_mag/articles/37-23/nienhuis.html

(3) Nancy Nason-Clark, "When Terror Strikes at Home: The Interface Between Religion and Domestic Violence," Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 43, no. 3 (September 2004): 303.

Coogan, Michael, Ed. The New Oxford Annotated Bible (3rd ed). Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2007.